Kitchen Caper

It’s 3:00 in the morning. I open the door very quietly and hover in Mom and Dad’s doorway sort of shifting from foot to foot. Whew! They are asleep. Now I can sneak to the kitchen. Hmm, maybe I better turn on the hall light. It won’t bother Mom because she’s asleep. I better turn on the lights in all of the rooms on the way just to be sure there will be lights on when I come back. I don’t like the dark, you know.

Maybe I better turn on the kitchen light too. No one will know that I’ve snatched all of the yogurts. I grab as many as I can hold and creep back down the hallway.

I’m quiet as a mouse. I peek back in Mom and Dad’s door. Still asleep! See how quiet I am?

Uh Oh, did Mom turn her head? Is she waking up? Mayday! I better hurry and get to my room before I am spotted. I slam the door and turn my TV on (loud volume, of course, otherwise I might not wake the dead).

I think I heard something in the hall; I better go check.

Mom is standing in the hallway. Now that’s a sight. Look at those frumpy pajamas. She has turned the lights back off. Rats!Now I’ll just have to sneak back out and turn them all on again, when she’s asleep again of course, which she says will be in another life. I don’t worry about Dad, he could sleep through a sonic boom, at least that’s what Mom says, but then she says she thinks half the time he’s faking it so he won’t have to be the one to get up and turn off the lights.

She says I slammed the door and it woke her up and that maybe next time I should just go quietly into the night. Don’t know what she means by that, but she seems to get some satisfaction from saying it.

She says “Son, I don’t know if I can go back to sleep.”

I say, “Sorry,” and give her a sheepish grin.

She says, “Could you PLEASE turn down the TV?”

I say, “No thank you.”

She says something about me being an insomniac.

I say “Don’t call me my name!”

There she goes, rolling her eyes again.

Honestly, I don’t know what her problem is, the lights have been turned back off. They couldn’t possibly be shining in her eyes and disturbing her.