Sunday, December 6, 2009
“I not taking no shower!” I told Mom but she just “don’t listen.”
Mom says it’s Sunday. Daddy’s gone to church. And me? I watch my movies.
Mom says “Time for your shower,” but I say, “Call me in two hours.”
She says, “Stop stalling,” and I act like I “no hear her.”
So what does she do? She puts my clothes in the bathroom and hangs up my towel.
I tell her, “Two towels.”
She says, “There are two towels.”
I tell her, “Call me in 2 hours.”
She says, “You’re gonna be late son; get off your hiny.”
I take my shower and get dressed. I say, “Ta Dah!” and she says I look great. I tell her my “pants no work.” I say, “Pants too big.”
She calls me “droopy drawers,” and gets me “more pair” of jeans.
I put on “more pair.”
These pants work. “They no fall down.”
So we go to church. Cassie gives me a coloring book. I color and color while “Sermon Man, Daddy Brad” is talking about who knows what, and people are praying. Kerry and Jana turn around in their seats and look at my coloring. They say my coloring is pretty. I like them.
I color with green all over the paper and Mom starts to cry.
I hear her tell Cassie, “I’ve never seen Charley color before.” Don’t know what she’s blubbering about. She says she's just being sentimental. She's got that right, mental is the word.
There is a coloring book with puppies on it, and Cassie says I can have it. Cassie is Will’s Mommy and she sits in front of me at church. I poke her on the shoulder and she starts to turn around but I turn my head real fast so she won’t know it was me. She turns back around and I poke her again.
I tell Mom “I a good boy” and say “You got a prize for me?”
She says, “Don’t worry; I’ve got your surprise.”
I say, “A good one.” I sure hope it’s not cartoons. That’s for babies. I want a scary movie.
She says, “You’ll take what I’ve got for you and you’ll love it or else.”
Hmmmph. I bet it’s cartoons.
I still coloring. Dad’s still preaching. People still praying. Mom’s still crying. It’s a real fun day.
I help Dad give the benediction. I stand up in front of the church and he puts his arm around me. Just two cool guys giving the benediction. When he raises his hand I raise my hand. When he bows his head I bow my head. When he walks down the aisle I walk down the aisle. Well, until I reach Mom’s pew. I hug Mom and she hugs me back.
“Whelp, church over. I go home now.” I say, “Mom, don’t forget my prize.” Mom catches up with me on the sidewalk and uses her hip to bump me. I bump her back. We bump all the way home. I bump her too hard and she says, “Watch it!”
Mom says I have to wait till Dad gets home, because he hid my prize and she doesn't know where. Sure wish he'd hurry up.
Dad comes home and gives me my “prize” because “I good at church.”
Mom and Dad eat chili. Not me. “I no like chili.”
Mom and Dad are talking about something going on at the church next door at 2:00 today.
Mom’s scrambling around trying to find a bag to wrap her presents.
Mom comes to my door and says, “Charley honey, do you want to go to the shower?”
I say, “I did.” Can you believe that? I had my shower before church, now she wants me to take it again.
She says, “Not that kind of shower son, I mean a baby shower.” How dumb does she think I am?
I go look in the bathroom. “No baby in the shower,” I say, but she says, “A baby shower is a party for someone who is having a baby.”
Party? “I like party. Okay, I go.”
We get to the party and I yell, “I smell Christmas presents!”
Mom says the presents are not for me. Presents are for baby. Then she says, “Don’t worry Christmas is coming soon.”
I eat chicken and Ruth gets me some barbeque sauce and I laugh lots. The lady opens presents. She holds up tiny little clothes. Mom says to me, “Won't those look cute on you?”
I say, “Stop it Mom,” she thinks she is so funny. I say, “You got me a present?”
She picks up a pink clothes pin off the table and hands it to me. She says, “Here, ya go.”
A pink clothes pin. Hmmmmph! “I no baby!” Some shower.
Martha takes my picture with Mom and Jane, and Mom says I’m acting like a funky monkey.
Whelp, I go home now. “Mom, you comin’?”
We’re back home now. Mom says, “How ‘bout that shower?”
“I did,” I say. I already told her that.