Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Hey sleepy lookin’-- whatcha got cookin’?

It’s 2:45 a.m.

Charley is lying on the floor in the living room demonstrating for me how he lies on his bed holding his mirror while watching his TV upside down.

He just kissed me on the cheek and said, “Warry Mom.” (meaning “Sorry Mom.”)

“Son, are you going to sleep any time tonight? Because until you do, I can’t.”

“I warry you up.”

“Me too.”

“My belly growlin’”

“Then let’s feed it.” (Charley's medicine messes with his appetite. He doesn't eat much during the day, but late at night? Watch out.)

I just put a plate of chicken nuggets in the microwave and so here I sit. Waiting.

Waiting for the nuggets to cook.

Waiting for him to go back to bed.

Waiting for my chance to go back to bed.

Waiting for sleep.

The sanity of sleep.

Blessed sleep.

I say, “Come here son,”

He comes with me and we walk down the hall. I point at Brad who is snoring loud enough to wake the dead.”

“See that?”


“That’s what I want to do at 3:00 in the morning.”

He starts to laugh. “Mom, Dad’s loud.”

“Yea, but I’m the one who’s awake,” I said.

Now he’s rubbing my shoulders.

My head starts to nod. “Mom, you sleepy lookin,’” he says.

“Oh, you think so?”

“Mom, you mad at me?”

“No, I’m just really tired.”

He says, “You nice person.”

I can’t argue with that.

He says, “You God you heart.” (Meaning, you got God in your heart, so you aren't allowed to be mad at me)

I said, “Yes son, and it’s a good thing too.”

“Mom, I good at church today.”

“Uh huh.”

I had to smile. We had a church event earlier this evening and had guests from other churches there. At one point he came into the fellowship hall. He was very upset.

He said, “Mom, Pam no helpin’ me.” (Notice the picture of Pam at the beginning of this post).

I said, “What?”

He pulled me outside. He was telling on Pam.

“Pam no helpin’ me Mom.”

There stood Pam, on the porch. She said, “I told him to go right ahead and tell on me.”

Pam is one of Charley’s Sunday school teachers. She proceeded to point out a coke can that he had thrown on the ground. He was making every attempt to con her into picking it up for him.

I said, “Charles Benjamin Palmer, you pick up that can and put it in the trash!”

He said, “Helpin’ me?” The little con artist.

I said, “No way Jose, pick up your own coke can.”

He refused.

After a word in private with him, he made Pam, Brett and Kaitlin all turn their backs while he went over to pick up the can. Then he tossed it in the trash and the three of them went home.

He nudged me. “Mom, my chicken done.”

I thought about how he had tried to con me into picking up his can of coke.

“So get the nuggets out of the microwave, I need to get back to bed.”

“Helpin’ me?”

“You don’t need help.”

So he sits down on the couch and folds his arms.

I ignore him and continue to type. I’d go back to bed but Charley roaming around the house unattended in the middle of the night is not a good idea. The last time he did that he stuck my bra in the toaster oven. The thing turned brown. At least if I had known he was going to do that I could have ordered a brown bra, that way you couldn't tell that it had been toasted. That was years ago. I’ve slept with one eye open ever since.

He said, “I warry you up. You my mom. Remember? You come my birthday? Give me DVD player?” (Someone is desperate for conversation).

“Yes son.”

“I promise, ever ever again.”

“Okay son.”

The nuggets are done.

He puts the nuggets on his tray.

“Mom, why you work a computer?”

“Because you woke me up.”

He says, “Mom, no work computer again.”

“Okay son.”

He says, “Whelp, I go my room now.”

So I say, “And not a moment too soon.”

“Mom, you back a bed.”

“Okay son.”

I go to his room and open the door.

“Be warned my love, the kitchen is officially closed. If you come out of your room again tonight for anything other than the bathroom, I will come into your room, and sit in the middle of your bed for the rest of the night.”

“No not.”

“In fact that sounds like fun. Why don’t I come spend the rest of the night in your room?” I start to walk into his room. You should see the look on his face.

“Mom, back a bed.”

“Then I suggest you stay in your room. And I mean for the rest of the night.”

“I love you Mom.”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“I said I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Nite Mom.”

“Nity nite.”


  1. You're a master at pathos. Keep it coming! I love it.

  2. This actually made me tear-up and laugh my butt off Aunt Sherry. Charley is so blessed tohave a special angel of God for a mother. I love u both so much. Tell my favorite cousin hi and I love him!